The Adventures of Mary Sue at the Opera
by Umiko
Summary: A parody of all those Mary Sue POTO phics...^_^
1. Chapter 1

Notes: Alright…I don't own POTO, and if you thought I did, well…get help. Secondly, this is parody, but I'm not picking on anyone specifically. Finally, if you can't handle sarcasm, don't read this. ^_^;;  
  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
One bright and sunny, little Mary Sue Parfait stood outside the grand structure that was the Opèra Garnier. Lost and all alone in the world, she thought to herself, "I'm dirt poor and will probably end up a prostitute, but maybe I can get a menial job at that big building."  
  
Suddenly feeling perky, she merrily skipped over to the Paris Opera House. Ignoring the fact that she was dressed in absurdly ratty clothes, she confidently strode to the managers' office, with only one wrong turn. Then she gently rapt on the door, losing her confident air.  
  
"What? What? Who is it?" one of the managers bellowed.  
  
"Good day, sir. My name is Mary Sue Parfait. I was wondering if I could get a job helping clean the Opera."  
  
"Clean? You can't even keep yourself clean!"  
  
"If I had money, I could."  
  
"Oh, well then…"  
  
Magically, for the sake of plot convenience, she gets the job.  
  
M. Richard led her down a narrow hallway. "Now, you're going to stay in here, alright?"  
  
"A dressing room?" Mary Sue asked innocently.  
  
M. Richard scowled. "No one wants it anymore. Frankly, if we could remove it without ruining the entire building…Oh, never mind! That damned girl isn't here anymore, thank God. Now, you start tomorrow, understand, Mlle. Parfait?"  
  
"Yes, sir!" she answered enthusiastically.  
  
Poor wee little Mary Sue was afraid of being alone in the dark in her new home, so she began to sing softly to herself. Somehow, a very depressed Erik manages to hear this five levels down. And, bright man that he is, realizes that it's from Christine's old dressing room. Hoping against hope, he trekked up behind the mirror.  
  
"Child…" he whispered.  
  
"Eep! Ghosts!" Mary Sue exclaimed.  
  
Oh, hell, Erik thought.  
  
"Hello? Who's there? Um…Mr. Ghost?"  
  
Erik, far too annoyed with humanity to care, decided to have some fun toying with the naïve young girl.  
  
"Child…what were you singing before?"  
  
"Me? Oh, nothing…"  
  
"Would you mind singing it again?"  
  
"Sure." And so she did.  
  
Hmm, not half bad, Erik thought. "Child, would you like to sing for the opera?"  
  
"I don't know…I guess it's a paycheck!"  
  
Erik rolled his eyes. "Would you like to be tutored by the Angel of Music?"  
  
"There's no such thing."  
  
"Yes, there is."  
  
"Okay. Um…Angel, sir…I'm Mary Sue!"  
  
"Very well. Your lessons start tomorrow."  
  
"I have work…"  
  
"I'll take care of it."  
  
"Yipee!"  
  
  
  
Well, we all know where this is headed…^_^;; 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
  
  
As the singing lessons continued, sweet little Mary Sue soon was singing better than Christine! One day, she was discussing how she came to the Opera House with the Tiny Voice in her head, which is how she addressed the Angel of Music.  
  
"Mr. Tiny Voice in my head…I left England after my parents fell into a duck pond and drowned, and my dog died. I decided to come to France. Even though I never a French lesson in my life, I was able to speak it! Isn't that amazing!"  
  
Meanwhile, Erik was nodding off to sleep behind the mirror.  
  
"Anyway, I didn't bring any money or clothing with me, by I sure had luck, because I got a job here! And now you're giving me singing lessons…"  
  
Erik woke up upon hearing the word "singing."  
  
"Well, you've improved greatly…"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh, goody!"  
  
That night, after finishing her cleaning, Mary Sue accidentally tripped and the mirror opened for her. Not only that, but she managed to find her way to the underground lake without even ripping the hem of her dress!  
  
"Hmm," she thought, "that's a big lake, but I bet I can swim across it!"  
  
And so she did.  
  
Now, Mary Sue was amazed that there was little house beneath the Opera. Being an inquisitive girl, she pranced inside.  
  
Erik nearly dropped his tea cup upon seeing Mary Sue inside his abode.  
  
"Hey…who are you?" Mary Sue asked.  
  
"I…am Erik," he said, annoyed that his pupil had caused him to spill some of his tea.  
  
"You sound like the Tiny Voice in my head. Wait…I got here from the mirror, and the voice is from the mirror…Um, let me think…"  
  
Erik scowled. Twice! Twice his charade had been foiled. "That's right; I lied. I admit it. But you must say, I was a good teacher. But, now, it's all over. You'll tell everyone I'm still down here. Oh, what a lovely way to go…"  
  
"Is that a Russian tea cup…" Mary Sue asked, reaching forward. Regrettably, not only did she succeed in getting tea all over Erik's tuxedo, but in her clumsiness, also knocked his mask off.  
  
"Good God, why does this always happen? And you…what the hell were you thinking?!"  
  
Mary Sue looked at her curiously. "I don't remember if I was thinking anything, sir. What's wrong, sir?"  
  
"What's wrong? What's wrong? What is wrong! Look at me!"  
  
"Oh. That. It's not that bad."  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"It's not that bad. I mean, you do look kind of dead…but other than that, it's not that bad."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"You…don't hate me? You're not…repulsed?"  
  
"Hardly. You look…interesting."  
  
"You'll…stay?"  
  
"Here? Sure! It's better than cleaning up there!"  
  
Well…*cough* The stereotypes continue. Anyway, the ditz might make a cameo next chapter…^_^;; 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
  
  
The next few weeks went by relatively smoothly, as they should, considering little Mary Sue was perfect. After a note to the managers, our heroine was relieved of her cleaning duties, but she was still able to collect her pay. Not only that, but she allowed to join the chorus, despite her lack of (known) professional training. It was as if all of the characters, or the author's, dreams were coming true.  
  
Erik's behavior was also taking on a drastic change thanks to Mlle. Parfait's presence. He had all but lost any violent inclinations, and was quickly slipping into the dangerous trap of sentimental mush. In other words, he beginning to act like the fop, just with an over-emphasized seductive air. Of course, gentle readers, we all know that this is not his fault.  
  
"Do you like the way I prepared the potato, Erik?" Mary Sue asked at dinner.  
  
"Of course, mon ange," he replied.  
  
Mary Sue giggled. Then, for no apparent reason, she gently dragged him into Christine's former bed room.  
  
insert self-indulgent fantasy/favorite/most nauseating Mary Sue sex scene here  
  
Afterwards…  
  
Mary Sue's thoughts: WOW…  
  
Erik's thoughts: I don't get it…Wasn't I suppose to get something out of this?  
  
"Hey! Can we do that again?" Mary Sue asked.  
  
"Erm…"  
  
Suddenly, the door swung open.  
  
"Erik?"  
  
"Oh, hell…"  
  
"Who's she?" Mary Sue asked.  
  
"Who are you?" Christine demanded.  
  
"I'm going to go crawl in my coffin and die, if you two don't mind…"  
  
***Ahem…Does it still make sense? Probably not…Oh, well. The, uh, situation will be resolved shortly. Who knows, I might write two alternative endings…^_^*** 


	4. Chapter 4.1

Chapter 4.1  
  
While poor, unhappy, embarrassed Erik slinked out of the room, Mary Sue and Christine glared at each other.  
  
"I don't believe this...my Angel giving into a whore..." Christine muttered.  
  
"What? You toyed with him! I love him!" Mary Sue snapped back.  
  
"How did I toy with him?"  
  
"He told me what happened! He trusts me, Mlle. Daaè! Can you say the same?"  
  
"He wouldn't forget me..."  
  
"Oh, really? What can you offer him? You're a timid, deceitful child! Things aren't working out with your vicomte, are they?"  
  
"It isn't any of your concern, Mademoiselle!"  
  
"Ah, but is it any of Erik's concern?"  
  
"He cares about me!"  
  
"After what you rudely walked in on, can you be sure?"  
  
Christine pouted. "You're cruel!"  
  
"Really? Do you want to be with Erik?"  
  
"I think...I think I love him..."  
  
"Hmm. Fine, we'll let him chose!"  
  
"Why does coming to the lair always involve life changing decisions?"  
  
"Erik? Would you please come out here for a moment?" Mary Sue asked.  
  
Erik trudged out miserably. "What?"  
  
"Which one of us do you love more?"  
  
"I, um..."  
  
"Erik...my Angel of Music, forgive me! I was such a foolish child...I don't love Raoul; I never did. Please, please...let me be with you. Let me sing for you! Can she give you heavenly music?"  
  
"Erik, what do you see in that child? She's trembling. I accept you for who you are. I surpass Christine in every respect."  
  
Erik looked them over. "Christine is childish...and she did backstab me. But, now that I think of it, you're perfect, Mary Sue...too perfect. In fact, I should've realized a long time ago that you're a raving, self-centered bitch. To hell with love and sex! They're not worth the trouble they cause. Now, would you two ladies kindly show yourselves out?"  
  
Stunned, Christine and Mary Sue silently trudged off. Once outside, Mary Sue asked quietly, "So, what do we do now?"  
  
"I don't know. Raoul cut me off."  
  
"Well...neither of us has a job anymore."  
  
"And that leaves only one choice..."  
  
"But, I don't want to be a prostitute!"  
  
"Oh, really? Maybe you shouldn't act like one!"  
  
"What? Shut up!"  
  
catfight ensues  
  
***cough*** Okay, that's Ending 1...strange as it is...Ending 2 is coming soon! 


	5. Chapter 4.2

Chapter 4.2  
  
Christine and Mary Sue stared at each other.   
"Well, one of us should go in there and talk to him," Mary Sue said.  
"Yes, one of us should," Christine murmured.   
They stared at each other. "Perhaps...I shall go in, while you get dressed, Mademoiselle."  
"My name is Mary Sue Parfait; Madame de Changy, I presume?"  
Christine inclined her head slightly and trotted over to the door of Erik's room, tapping it slightly.   
"Erik, it's me. Please, come out and speak to me. I miss you, and…I'll over look…this."  
Erik opened the door slowly. "Oh, Christine, I'm sorry...I..."  
"It's alright, Erik."  
"Hey! Wait a minute!" Mary Sue called. "You're reconciling? Are you both really that stupid? You don't belong together! You're afraid of him, and Erik…you deserve better! You deserve me!"  
"Mary Sue, Christine is my life, my music. You...you're so..."  
"Perfect?" the girl volunteered.   
"Yes...and that's what troubles me. You're not...human."  
"But...but"  
"Please, leave."  
"What will you two do?"  
"We'll be married!" Christine sputtered empty-headedly.   
"Goodbye, Mlle. Parfait."  
  
Mary Sue left the Opera House pouting. While Erik and Christine were secretly being married, Mary Sue Parfait was beaten to death by an angry American tourist for not being able to speak English.   
  
The End  
  
Author: Well...It's all done in jest! Besides...I needed to get rid of the annoying Mary Sue from hell ^_^ Admit it, you all wanted to see her suffer! Bwahaha…Okay, too much sugar…I'll go away now ^_^; 


End file.
